Meet Your Neighbors: Sizzlin' Reston Singles!

Reston used to have the knock of being a horrible place for single people. Of course, that was back in Reston's Dark Ages (or as we like to call them, the Mauve Ages), long before the movie theater and fake downtown and Macaroni Grill made the New Town a sizzling place for the glitterati to see and be seen.

Well, maybe not. But here in the middle of the always-exciting Dulles Technology Corridor(tm), what do you do between layoffs and gawdawful commutes when you're looking for love? Form an Internet meetup group, of course!

You'll see that, whether you are looking to meet that possible "someone", or simply wanting to meet other single people in the same "single boat" as you to hang out with, this group will provide you with those opportunities and you'll meet great people along the way!

What kind of opportunities, you might ask? Well, here's a shockingly graphic picture of the debauchery you can expect from the Reston-based Singles in the Suburbs(tm) gatherings. Before you scroll down, don't say you weren't warned:

Frankly, we thought behavior like this was still illegal in Virginia. But let's meet the organizers who are clearly trying to turn this town into an earth-tone accented Sodom and Gomorrah. Here's Rita, who identifies herself as "the big Kahuna":

Hi everyone, I'm Rita! I was born in Pensacola, FL but grew up in Reston and went to The George Washington University where I received my B.A. in Political Science... I moved back to NoVa in 2001 and currently work as a commercial real estate attorney in Ashburn, VA.

Oh, wow -- another graduate! But there's more:

I LOVE wine, so lots of vineyard trips I will plan!

And lots of awkwardly passive verbiage I will write!

But enough about Rita. Let's meet the ever-modest Scott, the group's VP and CEO:

Hello, I am Scott, and don't forget it. On a cold, winter's day in Feburary, 32 years ago, the heavens opened up, and dispensed this pure awesomeness you see before you. Since that time, I have lived by the strict code of always kicking ass and taking names, whilst maintaining the highest of sarcastic tones.

Is it any surprise his favorite underwear while growing up was the Superman Underoos? Or that, 32 years after the heavens opened up during what must have evidently been some horrendous mudstorm, he's still talking about them?

I think we'd settle for a table for one at the Macaroni Grill.