Flashbacks:
The RNGC Caddyshackpocalypse
Bollards!
A 20-year-old Reston man has been arrested for repeatedly burglarizing the South Lakes Shopping Center ABC Store. His getaway vehicle? A canoe.
Police arrested a man for burglarizing an Alcoholic Beverage Control store, located at 11160-A South Lakes Dr., on Monday, Nov. 16. Officers responded to a burglar alarm at about 3:20 a.m. and discovered the business had been broken into. The police helicopter responded and located the suspect attempting to flee in a canoe. After he reached the shore, officers located him hiding near Turtle Pond Drive and Purple Beech Drive. [The 20-year-old suspect] was arrested and transported to the Fairfax County Adult Detention Center. He was charged with alleged burglary, possession of burglarious tools and grand larceny.Burglarious? More like hilarious!
Okay, so this is weird enough. But as Paul Harvey used to say, then there's the rest of the story:
Even better, court records show, the man reportedly told police several hours earlier that he heard the burglar “got away on a boat.” So when the store was hit early Monday, police went to Lake Thoreau and found a man with lots of bottles of expensive tequila.Even criminal masterminds get caught every now and then. And for once, it might actually be okay to drink the water from one of the RA's lakes!
The victimized store was the Virginia ABC store in the South Lakes Shopping Center. According to a search warrant affidavit by Detective Stephen M. Sulzinski, the store was first burglarized on Oct. 27. Surveillance video showed a hooded, masked man using a skateboard to smash open the front door, then removing bottles of Patron tequila, Platinum Seven vodka and Jack Daniels whiskey gift sets, Sulzinski wrote.
Virtually the same thing happened on Monday morning. A hooded masked man used something to smash the glass front door, then filled a backpack with 24 bottles of Patron and some other bottled goodies. But this time, the police had a lead.
Shortly after midnight Monday, two Fairfax officers chatted with [the suspect] in front of a nearby 7-Eleven. According to the affidavit, he was asked about the ABC store burglary and that “the only thing he knows is that the guy got away on a boat” and that “the guy only took a bottle of Jack and a bottle of Patron.”
The officers gave [the suspect] a pair of summonses, for drinking in public and illegal possession of alcohol, and gave him a ride home to Eakins Court where he lives with his mother, Sulzinski wrote.
Three hours later, the ABC store in South Lakes was burglarized by the hooded man. The police helicopter swung into action and headed to Lake Thoreau and spotted a canoe “heading westbound toward Eakins Court,” Sulzinski wrote. Patrol officers went to the shore and after a brief chase, pulled [the suspect] from the canoe.
In the process, the canoe capsized and “spilled most of its contents into Lake Thoreau,” the affidavit states.
Update: Along with digging up embarrassing financial disclosures, this is why we love our commenters:
Knock knock.Well played, Le Pigeon. Well played.
Who's there?
Canoe.
Canoe who?
Canoe escape from the helicopter with your stolen booze?
No? Then Thoreau it overboard.
His mother must be so pleased. Lord, please don't let my kids end up like this!
ReplyDeleteLooks like Capt. Kirk forgot his cloaking device.
ReplyDeleteIs that "Wren" as in birdbrain?
ReplyDeleteKnock knock.
ReplyDeleteWho's there?
Canoe.
Canoe who?
Canoe escape from the helicopter with your stolen booze?
No? Then Thoreau it overboard.
+1 to you, Pigeon.
ReplyDeleteAll the more reason to privatize and close the ABC stores and let the booze be sold at the tax-paying Safeway.
ReplyDeleteThank God we finally elected someone with a brain instead of that moron Kaine who has done nothing to improve the quality of life.
Five years on, your "someone with a brain" is facing years in prison after being convicted of public corruption.
Delete"Pigeon" writes about "Wren". This is getting to be too good. Only thing that would be better was if it had been some Wild Turkey that had been stolen.
ReplyDeleteAnon 6:39 way to tie in partisan rancor to an otherwise hilarious story about a criminal genius.
ReplyDeleteAnd yes Pigeon you should get the Restonian commenter of the year award. In a word: Awesome.
Hickory Cluster knuckle -- I concur...Seems one party just has nothing but anger and pessimism to express... I mean how in the H E double L does Kaine tie into this topic...???
ReplyDeleteJeez, has anyone else looked this guy's family up on the arrest search at Fairfax Underground? I think we have a winner for Reston's Most Miscreant Household.
ReplyDeletePeople, people we are going through a recession.
ReplyDeleteThe underage guy probably couldn’t find any money in his mom’s purse so he had to do the alternative, robbed a ABC store and get away in a canoe.
He had no choose; he needed tequila.
Just a thought: Could some of you "anonymous" people be somwhat creative like Knuckle Duster, myself, Peasant, Convict, etc. and come up with your own original aliases so we're not always scrambling to say "Anonymous @ 5:11 PM" vs. "Anonymous @ 2:56 AM?" I've even revealed to the wide mauve world that is Reston what community I reside in, and as of yet I still haven't had people throwing eggs at me or running around with pant suits on and Cathy Hudgins masks trying to make love to me! SouthLakesMom even posts her PICTURE, which gives due credit to her bravery.
ReplyDelete