Fancy Dulles "Aerotrain" Opens For Business; Confounds Tourists

Our favorite correspondent, The Peasant From Less Sought After South Reston, provides this dispatch from Dulles "Air Port," which may someday be connected to our fair community by Metro's awesome Silver Line. In the meantime, it's unveiled a fancy "sub way" of its own!

The official ribbon-cutting [was Tuesday] at 10:00 a.m. This news comes to me from a reliable source, Mrs. Peasant (a.k.a. Daniela Boone, in honor of her fearless trailblazing on our last vacation) who volunteers with Travelers Aid at Dulles Airport.

Please to note the attached photo, taken by operative "Bud", also a member of the Secret Brotherhood of Travelers Aid:

Now, I am but a humble peasant, but when I see this schematic of the "new and improved" Dulles Airport, I admit to slight befuddlement. But that's why we have Travelers Aid -- "helping the terminally (get it -- "terminal"-ly?) confused". As Daniela Boone just explained it to me, even with the Aerotrain, the famed Dulles people movers will still go 1) between the main terminal and the H gates, 2) between the main terminal and the D gates, and 3) between the D gates and the A gates, although you can reach the A gates from the main terminal with the Aerotrain, but not with the people mover, unless you first go to the D gates and from there to the A gates.

Got all that?

Yes, I am terminally confused with this schematic as well, and one can only imagine the looks of wonder on the faces of jet-lagged, non-English speaking international travelers arriving at our Eerie..er, Eero...Saarinen-designed airport ("Gateway to Northern Virginia's Particleboard Paradise!") after 10 hours of flying in sardine-can-comfort, no-blanket-on-your-lap, stay-away-from-the-bathroom-in-the-last-hour-of-flight when they see this map.

Actually, I believe this schematic is modeled on the same systems process through which the RA decided to ban red mulch.

Confusing? Sure. But what do you expect for a paltry billion dollars? Plus, unlike Metro, there's a reasonable chance the Dulles trains will be able to make it from terminal to terminal without a track fire.