Coming Soon to a Cluster Near You: Dudes With Clipboards

Those of you who bothered reading the raft of documents when you closed on your little piece of earth-toned paradise in Reston know that before you can sell said property and "upgrade" to that fancy one brick-side McMansion in Ashburn, the Reston Association will send out people wearing snazzy official-looking jackets and clipboards to make sure all your exterior lights are working, the house hasn't been painted bright orange, etc., etc. And as a special going away present for your neighbors, they'll send them nastygrams, too, if they see something awry while they're eyeballing your house.

Apparently, that's not the only way that the RA enforces its standards. Confidential Restonian Operative "P" tells us that the RA has embarked on a grand 30-40 year quest to inspect every property in Reston, cluster by cluster.

Basically they have 4 inspectors who are in charge of doing 1 cluster per year. My cluster (Purple Sage in 20194) was one of the first ones chosen, people aren’t happy about the results. Some of the ramifications are significant…i.e. Your siding is faded you need to paint it (you don’t paint siding) or replace it (even though there is no dents or physical problem with the siding).... The inspector did a good job…she nailed every property for something.

This is different from RA's annual common property inspections, where they tromp around the woods looking for severed heads grass clippings and other affronts to our ecosystem. But we're not entirely sure this is something new, as the helpful "How Are Violations Found Or Reported?" section of the Reston "web site" says that "RA staff also conducts cluster or neighborhood inspections on a periodic basis," right below the easily downloadable complaint form people can use to anonymously snitch on their neighbors. But is this a new, systematic approach to cluster inspections? If they're starting in North Reston, they're going to need a few new boxes of pens by the time they get to the older neighborhoods south of Baron Cameron.

Of course, rules is rules, and in theory this is a Good Thing, as it's a way to make sure a couple of lazy property owners don't bring down home values in an entire neighborhood. But there's about a million miles' difference between a house with faded, peeling paint and one with an improper light covering near the back door -- both of which could get the DEFCON 1 treatment.

According to "P," his cluster was notified before inspections began. Cited homes were given three months to correct any defects, though that can be extended to six months due to the limitations on outside work posed by the winter. Which gives us time to remove the giant neon sign we've erected in the front yard of Restonian World Headquarters and maybe find a nice earth-toned mailbox to replace the one that looks like a clown's head we know our neighbors love so much.