With Irrefutable Logic, The Soulless Ants Strike Back

Hey, remember that time some fancy columnist decided to fill space in her obsolescent relic of the industrial era "news paper" by calling Reston a "soulless ant colony?" Yeah, that was awesome. Well, apparently various and sundry Restonians have been sending her missives, and like most members of the Fourth Estate, rather than admit having made a mistake in a throwaway comment, Kerry Dougherty has decided to double down.

January's reader responses have been heavily tilted in favor of the 703 area code. Seems 18 little words buried in a column about the General Assembly have provoked something of a firestorm - OK, a little campfire - from the gentle folks of Reston.

Along with scores of indignant invitations to visit that Northern Virginia community, there have been terse tweets, objections from hypersensitive politicians, and even a blog in a newspaper that compared the crime rates of Norfolk and Reston in a bizarre attempt to link a lack of crime with a city's "soulfulness."

Try selling that slice of crazy in New Orleans.

No matter how often I remind people that I've visited Reston plenty of times, the irate calls and emails keep coming.

"Kerry Dougherty, you're a moron," screamed one anonymous Restonian last week, sounding a lot like that editor in my nightmare.

Am I sorry I wrote "Be honest, is there a more soulless spot in the commonwealth than that bland ant colony near Dulles?"

Yes, I am. I wish I'd added "humorless."

OH NO SHE DIDN'T! We've been to New Orleans. Norfolk, you are no New Orleans. In fact, you'd be hard pressed to be New Rochelle.

Fortunately, we did a little research and can put this ridiculous debate to rest. Here's the shocking fact that the lamestream Tidewater media doesn't want you to know:

That's right. We may be soulless, but Norfolkians are Macaroni Grill-less. They have to drive 8.5 miles to enjoy the cheesy, high-carb splendor we have right in our own backyards.

Game. Set. Match.