Rumor: Will Tall Oaks Shopping Center Become Home to Hans und Franz?

After demonstrating its ability to repel tornadoes, 7-11s, and international grocery stores, The benighted Tall Oaks Stucco Wasteland Shopping Center may soon have a new anchor tenant, the first since Compare Foods closed way back in ought-eleven.

Confidential Restonian Operatives tell us in not-so-hushed tones that Gold's Gym is apparently soon to announce that it will occupy the village center's anchor location. Which makes sense, given it was most recently home to "Susie de Los Santos," whom we'll admit appeared to have rather good muscle tone. And some of our fellow Restonians sure do seem to enjoy lifting heavy objects.

Before you strap on that mid-80s Loverboy headband, always remember and never forget: earlier rumors had claimed that Dollar General was eyeing the same spot, though Herndon ultimately wound up winning that highly desirable consumer demographic with its own upscale emporium. And before that, there was a frantic letter-writing effort to convince Bloom to set up shop. Neither came to fruition, but who knows? Maybe the third time's the charm.