Flashbacks:
The RNGC Caddyshackpocalypse
Bollards!
Hey gang! It's late spring, which can mean only one thing. It's time to pull the CLOSE TO FUTURE METRO STATION signs out of the garage and play everyone's favorite game of earth-toned real estate wheeling and dealing, the High-Low Game(tm)!
First up is this understated 8-bedroom cottage off Personal Injury Lawyers Road on Stoneledge Court. Technically, it's not in Reston proper, but for the buying price, you could probably spring for a nonresident pool pass or six. Reduced (!!) to a mere $3,999,000, the portico of this "country club style residence" (or "embassy style residence," the breathless listing copy calls it both) will be a perfect place to stand, cocktail in hand, and make sure the lawn service does a decent job edging the shrubs, or whatever it is that lawn services do.
On the, shall we say, "other" side of the spectrum is this charmer on Northgate Square. For $139,900, you don't get much in the way of breathless real estate prose beyond the fact that the unit "backs to trees," but this next photo is what those of us not in the real estate business like to call "a deal sealer":
Unfortunately, this is a terrible real estate marketing brochure for this property.
ReplyDeleteYou forgot to promote the two most important amenities:
1.) The backyard servant quarters for the staff of 30 Guatemalan immigrant families that are needed to keep the 800 rooms clean, grass mowed and eco-friendly vegan meals for mom, dad and their 2.27 kids in therapy cooked.
2.) The solid gold bidet in the master bedroom bathroom that features a 33 speed Perrier water butt wash purifier that's linked into the surround sound system so that each daily constituion is experienced in a fashion suitable for a wannabe Lady GaGa.
An example of a solid gold bidet and the upper class musical genius it can inspire during prolonged use at maximum water speed can be viewed @ http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8bdeizHM9OU
Look for it at the .28 and 1:06 marks.
$4m for that ugly monstrosity? As they say, money does not buy taste.
ReplyDeleteDid somebody from Brambleton lose a McManse?
ReplyDeleteAh yes, the mansion. We understand that Carson the Butler from Downton Abbey used to work here. By the grace of its lordship, The Peasant and several hundred other serfs live in its vicinity, the better to race to the bottom with Mean Daddy D's aforementioned Guatemalan immigrants to win the contract to slop the pigs, till the fields, and shovel out the stables.
ReplyDeleteThe mansion is located in Oakton, just a Molotov cocktail's throw from Less Sought After South Reston. Interesting history to the place, according to neighborhood lore, which holds that a wealthy Middle Easterner built the mansion before his financial well-being tanked. Maybe somebody really did throw a Molotov cocktail, because around 2005 there was a major fire on its roof, which subsequently was graced for years with a huge blue tarp.
Ever since the fire, the mansion has stood vacant. It went on the market last summer at a cool $4,999,000, so its current price is actually a reduction of one million. I think the problem selling it is that to reach the mansion, Trump wanna-be's must pass by some pretty mundane looking houses (some worse than mundane) that line the approach to it along Myrtle Lane. One such house has had a huge uprooted stump in its front yard for at least a year. That might not matter if the potential buyers were Jed, Granny, Jethro, and Elly Mae -- but it's a definite turn-off for Biff, Muffy, Preston,and Schuylar...unless Stoneledge Court is renamed One Percent Court.
And Anon 1:13, you are so right -- this is the classic case proving that money does not equal good taste.
..I wish I had a 33-speed Perrier butt washer. I am sure getting tired of squatting over my Maytag top-loader. I am suddenly overcome by a hopeless feeling of inadequacy.
ReplyDeleteMaybe it could be turned into a private school. Hogwarts perhaps?
ReplyDelete"Maybe it could be turned into a private school. Hogwarts perhaps?"
ReplyDeleteNah, the architecture is too modern. Best make it the Charles Xavier School for Gifted Youngsters (but only if they can build a hidden hangar under the backyard basketball court).
As for the Northgate Square listing, they "neglected" to mention the frequent, yet haphazardly-scheduled utilities outages thanks to the condo association being spend-thrifty enough to get us new roofs and windows, but ignore badly needed improvements such "little things" as "water," "AC" and "electricity."