Flashbacks:
The RNGC Caddyshackpocalypse
Bollards!
Is this the long anticipated jet-age improvement to the RELAC "air conditioning" system? Sorry, it's just the opening B-roll footage of this month's edition of Reston Today.
Unfazed by the heat, Andy Sigle is our dulcet-toned Virgil, guiding us through the underworld of the Reston Station parking garage, which is now more than 50 percent complete. More specifically, we are introduced to the "elephant stand," an "engineering marvel" designed to create a massive five-lane entrance for the parking garage while still holding the weight of the various assorted parallelograms above it. We're told that the contraption was inspired by the stance circus elephants get into when they perform tricks, only with fewer metal bull hooks. We're not structural engineers, but we're pretty sure it's not made of marzipan -- even though it was "fabricated in Germany."
"We often hear that living in Reston is like living in a park," Sigle continues, now taking us on a whirlwind tour of Reston's 14 pools. Through the magic of B-roll video, we visit three of Reston's underutilized pools -- Newbridge Pool, Golf Course Island Pool, and Shadowwood Pool. Then we learn about the Reston Kids Triathlon on August 12. And then get ready, because stuff's about to get real.
"So now you've raised the family and finished the day job. What's next?" we, as the audience of this video, are asked, taking a passive viewing experience and turning it inside out, forcing us to contemplate our own fleeting mortality. Surprisingly, the answer isn't "a sad, lonely descent into existential emptiness, and ultimately, the end that awaits us all." Because this is Reston! You can sit on an advisory committee! SRSLY.
Which brings us to the end of another irretrievable 5 minutes and 14 seconds of our lives. Happy summer!
"So now you've raised the family and finished the day job. What's next?"
ReplyDeleteUh...I guess 'what's next' is to amend Reston's motto of 'a place to live, work and play' to that of 'a place to live, work, play and die' and thus begin a search for a place in Reston to be buried after dying since Reston's space age time travelling founding fathers never imagined that its human creators would decay at a slightly accelereated rate over that of, say, the radioactive decay rate of Uranium-238.
"... amend Reston's motto of 'a place to live, work and play' to that of 'a place to live, work, play and die' and thus begin a search for a place in Reston to be buried after dying..."
ReplyDelete1. As opposed to being buried while still alive (sorry, I couldn't resist)?
2. Are gravestones required to be a DRB-approved earth-tone color, too?
In Reston, you have three choices regarding death:
ReplyDelete1). Go to Herndon post-mortem.
2). Be put in the compost pile at your local community garden.
3). Flaming Viking boat burial on one of our many lakes. Somebody should open this concession in one of the empty store fronts at Lake Anne.
Lest we forget, Convict, someone did try #3 recently. Of course, it was for his dog, no flames were involved, and it ultimately didn't work. But still!
Deletehttp://www.restonian.org/2012/02/in-reston-not-good-week-to-be-deceased.html
There's no accounting for amateurs, anon. If we get a professional operation going, I suspect that they pyres will light up the night sky all over our little piece of Valhalla in Virginia.
DeleteAnd don't forget the Sampo (for those MST3K fans reading)!
DeleteDoes having one's ashes fired into space count? Or would that violate the lame anti-manned space program sensibilities of that "visionary" Bob Simon? Some vision. Congrats, Bob, you built another 'burb. (yawn) Or at least, you were gonna build one until you robot overseers from Mobil Land took it away from you.
ReplyDelete