Flashbacks:
The RNGC Caddyshackpocalypse
Bollards!
Begorrah! The tranquility of Peasant World Headquarters, and much of the rest of Less Sought After South Reston, was rudely disturbed in the wee hours of St. Paddy's Day by the non-stop circling overhead of one of the Fairfax County Police Department's new Bell 429 helicopters. It could have been worse; at first we feared that a DRB Predator drone was conducting a dreaded night raid and had locked its Mulchfire missile onto a target-rich environment of forbidden red mulch.
Nevertheless, from 12:30 a.m. to 2:00 a.m. March 17th, Deep South Reston was treated to the sight and sound of this helo flying lazy loops that seemed to pivot around the intersection of Myrtle and Fieldstone, just a Molotov cocktail's toss away from Much Much More Sought After Oakton. At times the helo was even illuminating the target environment with its Trakkabeam A800 xenon searchlight. Also headed to the scene of the incident were police cars, a fire department ladder truck, and an ambulance. The Peasant's 19-pound Maine Coon cat was not at all amused by the hoopla, even when informed it was not a joint raid by Fairfax County Animal Control and Mayor Bloomberg's Fat Cat Anti-Obesity Squad.
For some time we remained in the metaphorical dark as to what happened. We were beginning to surmise the worst, that perhaps an overly frisky leprechaun had been apprehended for wearing a non-regulation shade of Kelly green and subjected to a special rendition back to the Old Sod.
But in the investigative spirit of Woodward & Bernstein, a call to the local constabulary provided a much more mundane explanation: a large party in the Fair Oaks District that abuts our earth-toned paradise evidently had gotten out of hand. Who knew -- Fair Oaks as the new Delta House! Just remember, Fair Oakers, the immortal words of Dean Wormer: "Fat, drunk and stupid is no way to go through life."
Update: The Peasant informs us that there's now a police report about the incident, which apparently happened at a long-vacant McMansion :
PARTY, 11300 block of Stoneledge Court, 3/17/13, 12:05 a.m. Officer responded for a loud party. Officers from several district stations, K-9 teams, and the helicopter assisted. Thirty-eight individuals were detained. All juveniles were released to their parent/guardian. All adults were charged with unlawful entry. Several alcohol related charges were also made. The case is still under investigation.Or, in the spirit of the holiday, perhaps we should call it a vacant MacMansion, the end.
In other words, Pez, said "party" was actually the flower-bed-destroying deer were fornicating and copulating openly and wantonly. It is just days from Spring, you know.
ReplyDeleteFollowing up with more investigative reporting in his quest for a Pulitzer, The Peasant has engaged in Main Stream Media "data mining" and analyzed the arrest records of the Fairfax County Police Department for the night in question.
ReplyDeleteThe records show that on March 17, a total of 10 individuals ranging in age from 18 to 20 were arrested in Fairfax County on the charge of "entering property to damage". Seven of those individuals were also charged with "purchase or possession of alcohol by an individual under 21". The arrest records do not show where this happened, but the charges do generally fit with the description of the heathen debauchery that occurred that night on Stoneledge Court.
Restonains will be happy to know that not a single one of these 10 perps came from our earth-toned paradise, but rather from Equally Sought After Centreville and Chantilly, as well as -- shockingly -- More Sought After Fairfax, Clifton, and South Riding.