News and notes from Reston (tm).

Friday, January 31, 2014

The Da Reston Code: Are Subliminal Messages Hidden in DRB Word Find?

Word Find 1We confess we've been somewhat remiss in scouring the latest issue of Reston: The Magazine since uniformed federal agents delivered it to Restonian World Headquarters a week or so back. We hadn't even flipped to our favorite part: the covenants enforcement word find. But our favorite correspondent, The Peasant From Less Sought-After South Reston, stumbled across some shocking subliminal messages:

Whilst idly perusing the latest exciting issue of Reston magazine delivered to the Peasant's hovel by a uniformed federal agent, this edition's wordplay game on page 115 caught my eye because something looked...off. After running the word grid through an array of massive parallel processing TRS-80 supercomputers recently picked up at an NSA garage sale, it became evident that the RA is engaged in a Manchurian Candidate-style mind control plan to indoctrinate Restonians to submit themselves to the DRB and the Orwellian-named "Covenants Committee". Hidden among the 'approved' words such as "aesthetics" and "maintenance" are some much more sinister subliminal messages:
Covenants Enforcement
Outlined on the word grid in appropriately-toned blue ink, left to right, top to bottom:

"Huh" -- The correct response by any Restonian while dealing with the DRB or Covenants Committee
"Axe" -- What a Restonian should NEVER take to any tree, especially if it's a...
"Yew" -- We love yew! Bamboo, not so much
"Gung-ho" -- What all Restonians must be at all times when thinking of their bollardy (if Macaroni Grill-less) future
"DRB" -- Don't Resist BigBrother
"Pro" -- What you soon won't find on the Reston National golf course if greedy developers have their way
"Tan" -- "Tan, tan, that's our hue, this paint color's good for you!"
"Weed" -- Die, evil garlic mustard, die!
"Color" -- We love russet brown! Purple, not so much
"Con" -- Definition of a Restonian who smokes on the Glade Trail

As if all this were not bad enough, a second analysis soon revealed something even worse hidden in the grid, something so bad that The Peasant felt compelled to outline it in non-compliant red. The word "no". And, a la that 20th century literary lion Jacqueline Susann, once is apparently not enough for the RA -- 12 times is. Up, down, forward, backwards, diagonal.

"The answer is no. Now what's the question?"
And then there's this:

Covenants Enforcement 2
We're through the looking glass.

5 comments:

  1. "Flee." Not since "Help! I'm a prisoner in a fortune cookie factory" has there been such an awesome message hiding in plain sight.

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  2. So appropriate for this stalag. if we only knew when we were all handed that Reston Disclosure Kit. Someday -- I will be free!

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  3. Restonian, you crack me up.

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  4. Hey, how did you know it was me smoking out on the Glade Trail?

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  5. I love this blog, but dude, you've got waaaay too much time on your hands.

    ReplyDelete

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