Shocker: Former RA CEO Defects to Reston's Satanic Maryland Doppelganger, Hurts Our Tender Fe-Fes

The second time wound up being the charm for former Reston Association CEO Milton Matthews, who after unsuccessfully seeking the post way back in ought-nine, was appointed the new CEO of Reston's Satanic Maryland doppelganger, Columbia, on Friday.

Matthews signed a two-year contract and will make a base salary of $200,000 and be eligible for a bonus of up to 7.5 percent of his salary. As part of his contract, Matthews will have to relocate to Columbia from Rockville, Md., where he currently resides.

But wait -- we thought it was Reston's onerous residency requirement that forced Matthews to reluctantly leave his post in our own earth-toned community last year. Sounds like we might have to face some unpleasant facts -- maybe he Just Wasn't That Into Us. Ouch!

Or maybe, once you've had the chance to oversee a vast homeowners association with stringent exterior trim regulations, even the bright, multicolored (and possibly blinking) lights of Rockville are no consolation.

Milton was chosen from two finalists for the CA job, and it's probably safe to say that Julia Louis-Dreyfus wasn't in the running. Looks like they've got one more thing to add to the #AwesomeColumbia hashtag, the end.