The Life Aquatic, Reston-Style

We only rarely cover the tawdriness of crime in our beloved earth-toned community these days, at least unless it involves an awesome video. But our favorite correspondent, the Peasant From Less Sought After South Reston, has been poring over the crime blotter, and noticed something... interesting:

Rule Restonia!
Restonia rules the waves
Restonites never, never, never shall be slaves

With apologies to "the cousins" on the other side of the pond, time to retire Sir Francis Drake, Captain Cook, Lord Nelson, and other seafaring limeys of yore as standards of nautical excellence. These days, it's Reston that's master and commander of the world aquatic.

Then again, perhaps not.

Recent news stories provide alarming evidence that small boat handling might not exactly be the strong suit of local residents. Maybe it's something in the water, although at times it seems that the 'something' is a capsized Restonian. Consider:

-- Most recently, as reported in the old-timey Washington Post newspaper, we had the unnamed Restonian who was presumed to have gone missing late last week when his capsized kayak was found floating downstream from Great Falls, but who in fact was found safe at home after a massive search of the Potomac.

-- Not humorous at all was the sadly bizarre case of the local resident who claimed to have been shot while kayaking in Anne Arundel County but who had allegedly shot himself, and then shot himself again when police arrived at his house earlier this month.

A bit farther back in the annals of local history, we had the Viking-inspired canine "burial at sea" on Lake Thoreau that didn't quite go as planned when the canoe carrying Dad, Junior, and Deceased Doggie capsized. And in 2009 came the epic Great Canoe Chase when one of our local criminal masterminds burglarized the South Lakes ABC store and made his daring escape by canoe across Lake Thoreau. Sadly, our wannabe Professor Moriarty capsized on yonder distant shore, spilling overboard all his 86 proof liquid gold treasure that remains lost forever in the muck.

Dare we even mention the kerfuffle surrounding a certain canoe named the Wee Lassie and the pivotal role it played in local politics?

Referring to the most recent event of the 'missing' kayaker, alert Washington Post reader "stevetunley" commented:

"So, the guy who was shot in a kayak a few weeks ago, but not really as he actually shot himself, lives in Reston. Now this guy is from Reston. Clearly, we need to outlaw kayaks in Reston. Or idiots."

We're not sure of that, but our suspicion is that if the Good Lord were to have the Second Coming and try that walking on water bit again on Lake Thoreau rather than the Sea of Galilee, we'd get the sinking feeling (so to speak) that it wouldn't turn out so well for Him this time.

Maybe all those landlines failing at the Reston pools are trying to tell us something.