Pirates of Lake Anne: RA Reserves Right to Board Your Illegal Booze Barge

Apparently, the placid lakes that dot our beloved beige community aren't quite what they seem. Along with your friends and neighbors out for a leisurely paddle in a kayak or perhaps enjoying a glass of wine in their booze barge deck boat, there are n'er-do-wells who might exceed "80 pounds of thrust" or have less than "7 cubic feet of float material for each 10 square feet of deck."

It's pretty much the equivalent of being at the mercy of the open seas. The HOA version of the Barbary pirates might even violate the "no wake zone" policy, at least if you consider the tiny ripples a 3-horsepower electric motor can generate at full throttle a "wake." But fear not, nervous boatsmen! The RA has, as they say in the movies, a plan -- or at least a nifty new set of boating regulations (PDF). But don't take our word for it, see what the policy itself says:

So many questions. Along with the DRB drones, is the RA secretly developing a fleet of high-speed stealth boats to send boarding parties, clipboards in hand, to confront illicit deck boats that are "nailed together," instead of being "screwed or bolted" as required on the fourth page of the boating regulations?

At great personal risk and expense, we've managed to catch a glimpse of the RA's impressive skunkworks. Please to be enjoying the grainy footage:

   

 We don't know about you, but this has convinced us to stop flaunting the rules. No more inflatable boats with fewer than "3 separately inflated chambers" (p. 5) for us!

Update: Confidential Restonian Operative "Arrr" shared this image of what an RA boarding party just might look like:

And our favorite correspondent,  The Peasant From Less Sought After South Reston, was so moved by the RA's derring-do that he drafted the soon-to-be implemented RA Hymn:

From the Halls of Montessori

To the shores of Triple Crown

We fight our RA's battles

On Lakes Audubon, Thoreau, and Anne

First to fight for mauve and ecru

And to keep the Snakeden clean

We are proud to claim the title

Of earth-toned RA Marine!