VY ask VY? Pretentious New Reston Development Names Popping Up Faster Than Bollards

Forget BLVD. Vowel-free living is for renters, silly rabbits! Apparently the new development hawtness for 2016 is inscrutable abbreviations, as we're seeing in the rapidly rising new section of Reston Heights, which apparently stole a (sometimes) vowel from the apartment complex on the other, apparently more Welsh, side of the Toll Road.

That's right, the new mixed-use development rising from the ashes of the not-quite-a-multiplex-turned-midscale chain diner and 7-11 won't be known as "Chilis II: Electric Boogaloo," or even "Popeye's View" as we had hoped. Instead, it will be called -- wait for it -- VY. Give us some good marketing-speak blockquote, BFFs at Reston Now:

VY is an abbreviation of very, and creates a unique word that allows us to inject further meaning into it when the marketing campaign is launched. Once the name VY is inserted within the context of the brand, it will evoke the vitality and velocity of this new addition to Reston Heights.

Funny, we thought it was shorthand for "vie," as in "you'll vie with approximately 30,000 other harried drivers to get to Reston Parkway once this gets built."

It's all about the #brands, people. But why stop there? From a marketing perspective, the rest of Reston is looking as tired as a shag-carpeted conversation pit (also on offer in many of our finer neighborhoods). It's time for a major rebrand:

Reston Town Center: GRTTY

Reston National Golf Course: (tie) Barrister's Delight or THS SPC VLBL

Hunters Woods: HY (short for "HY nuisance crime rates")

South Lakes Village Center: Pirates' Cove

Tall Oaks Village Center: (blank space)

North Reston: Moneybags emoji

South Reston: Reston's Dixieland

That other part of Reston: The '190

Lake Anne: That emoji of a dollar sign with wings flapping away

RA: That emoji of a dollar sign with wings flapping away

At $350/hr for creative branding consulting, that comes to approximately $5.14 in pro bono work. You're welcome, Reston, you're welcome.