The Newest Threat To The Reston Way Of Life: Bobcats

Forget copperheads, cannibalistic insects, invasive flora, floating nightmare hellspawn, even whatzzitczlled, Pokemons. There's a new apex predator prowling our earth-toned paradise, and it isn't even well-versed in land use regulations. Apparently we're in danger of BEING OVERRUN BY BOBCATS.

A vigilant Restonian posted on some other internet thingy:

Saw a Bobcat on Triple Crown Road last night at 5:00 AM when my security lights came on. Very interesting critter, appeared to be very healthy, plump, about one and half to two feet high. Most likely a female with a thick light brown coat. We will see many more Bobcats in the near future if it was a young female. Bobcats are very shy, nocturnal and typically will not bother humans, but it is best to give them space since they are wild and may feel they have to protect a litter. Be careful letting small pets out in the early morning since Bobcats are great hunters.

"Looks like there's big trouble in River City (or would that be Remediated Stream City?)" our favorite correspondent, The Peasant From Less Sought After South Reston, notes. He offers the following thoughts:

Does this mean that the days are numbered for our Canadian Geese WMD (Weapons of Mess Defecation)? Or, if the bobcat is a vegan, that it might be an honorary Weed Warrior and munch away at our invasive English ivy? If it came from Loudoun County, are we permitted to chant "Build that particleboard wall! Build that particleboard wall!"?

Or, horror of horrors, given that description -- female, with a thick light brown coat, very healthy and plump -- could it in fact have been a cougar from Jackson's scouting out new territory to prowl for fresh meat, given the imminent arrival of paid parking at RTC ? Maybe it indeed was a case of mistaken identity, because as [they] helpfully pointed out, "it is best to give them space since they are wild." The mind shudders.

Far be it from this humble "web log" to stir the flames of Internets panic, but we think it's clear WE'RE ALL DOOMED. Time to bow before our feline overlords, the end.