Breaking News From Reston: The Magazine: PICKLEBALL HAS FINALLY MADE IT TO RESTON!

Over the years, we have often mocked Reston: The Magazine for its combination of subliminal messaging and confounding word finds. But the current issue of the magazine, which should have recently been delivered by uniformed federal agents to your attached or nonattached home, has what those of us in the business call a BIG SCOOP -- the kind of thing the so-called "lamestream media" wouldn't touch with a 10-foot pole. But don't take our word for it, check out this blaring headline, using a font size and punctuation usually reserved for the end of world wars or presidential resignations:

Heads. Will. Roll. Or maybe just pickles.

What is pickleball, you ask? So does Reston: The Magazine:

"Yikes, what a mess." We feel ya, Reston: The Magazine, we feel ya.

Anyhoo, pickleball is a tennis-like game that apparently The Olds enjoy, and anyone with "a current pool and tennis pass" can enjoy it as well! Skeptical? Well, Reston: The Magazine also ranked it as #5 of its "12 Terrific Staycation Ideas for Reston Families." For some perspective, they managed to get through items 1-7 before suggesting fleeing "hopping on the Metro to spend a day in D.C.," the end.