BREAKING: Two Important Reston Opening Dates Announced, One Slightly More Important Than The Other

V. v. exciting news has come across the wires Internets over the past few days! First, our BFFs at Metro have announced that after years of concrete melting in the rain, the same rain making the rail tracks that remained unused due to the aforementioned melty concrete somehow turn to rust from disuse, faulty "heat tape" (whatever that is), various train cars catching on fire, etc. etc., the second phase of the Silver Line -- our personal E-ticket ride to the wonders of Herndon, Dulles, and the Particleboard Great Beyond, will finally open on November 15, only eight short years after we were able to first take the train towards civilization in the other direction.

In a sign that whoever runs Metro's social media team is under the age of 65, they announced this news to the tune of Lizzo's "About Damn Time."

We’re READY to share the Silver ⚪ Line opening date 🚇🎉 https://t.co/oAmcT7vOdI #wmata #yourmetro pic.twitter.com/wtSSGidXwN

— Metro (@wmata) October 31, 2022

The kids 45-year-old social media managers are all right.

So yay, in just two short weeks we'll no longer have the first crack at empty seats as trains bring in wage slaves from as far west as Ashburn on their way into places with, wedunno, actual jobs. And in two short weeks, we'll start hearing grumbling about how the trains will bring the "wrong element" to such upstanding locales as Brambleton (too late!). But we don't care, because there's a much more exciting opening for us here in Reston to focus on:

BREAKING: Our Prepared Food Budgets

That's right, the shiny new Reston Wegman's is scheduled to open at precisely 9 a.m. on February 1, 2023, on the ground floor of something called the "Edmund" in the Halley Rise development. No word if the robot cars will be available at that point to help us transport our giant cheese platters from the store to Level 47 of the parking garage.

So in one fell swoop, the one reason we might have had to take the Metro westbound is gone -- no more trips to Sterling! And given the postcard recently delivered to Restonian World Headquarters by uniformed federal agents, we may not need to take it eastbound for much longer either:

Talk about live, work, play, the end.